Forum:Obama finally did something right

And I cannot ignore it any longer. Credit where credit is due. Osama bin Laden, the scourge of Bush's years, is finally a dead man. Only joy and celebration can truly capture this moment in the relief that must be crossing so many faces right now.

The Wicked Warlock of the East has finally been slain. And what brave soldier is the Dorothy that slew this beast with his bullet for a falling house? Time will tell. But that man, that soldier that fired the fatal blow, is about to become hailed around the world as a hero.

Oh, sure. There's the Islamic world, divided as it is. Even half of them will be cheering, though a good number of them will instead be asking themselves: "Now what?"

For ten full years, that cockroach has been running around in Pakistan, making a laughingstock out of the world's most powerful military. As far as real-life supervillains are concerned, this one has truly earned a badge in history. Until now, he was the real-life Kaiser Soze. He was that devil incarnate that could pull off anything. And then before you even knew it; he was gone.

Oh, he's made mistakes before. In fact, Bill Clinton almost had him. Instead of the failing Obama cabinet pulling off a 10th-hour victory just as poll numbers seemed like they couldn't possibly get any lower, this fight could have ended in 1995. It could have been over in 1999. It could have been over so quick, that nobody would have ever heard of the Patriot Act. It would have never happened.

Airport security molesting babies? Never would have happened. The Islamic world making our airport staff a sick joke? Never would have happened. 9/11 itself? Would most likely have been just another day. Bush would have been remembered as just another party president, like Clinton before him.

We'd've drowned in commercial mediocrity. "The Master of Disguise" would have defined the Oughties. The biggest news of all would have been Enron. Who thinks of them now? The Dixie Chicks would not have thrown their country music careers away. Toby Keith would not have become obnoxious.

Spider-Man would have captured criminals by building a web between the Twin Towers! Classic cartoons would not have been poorly re-edited for political correctness!

Dozerfleet Comics would probably have abandoned the idea of adapting Hawthorne's Gray Champion into a superhero. Not that it's gotten very far anyway, as the project remains shelved. Replox would have been less patriotic, most likely. Ciem might never have happened. Stationery Voyagers would have probably turned out a lot less dark.

Some things about the past decade were inevitable. The Ring was still destined to get a bad sequel in The Ring Two. The year 2003 was destined to become the year that TV went through a phase where everything and everyone was as obnoxiously and openly gay as possible. And 2004 was the year that bestiality jokes in Father of the Pride were bound to happen.

The Hulk was destined to be a horrible film. Bryan Singer was destined to botch up Superman big-time. Snakes on a Plane was bound to happen; it just would have been taken even less seriously. The 2007 Turtles movie was still going to be awful. The Sims 2 was still going to be way better than Sims 1, and be replaced with an even better Sims 3. And Zach Snyder was still going to make 300 the most testosterone-poisoned film in cinematic history. As for Twilight? I really don't know if that series would have happened or not. But I do know that Harry Potter was inevitable. Would Lord of the Rings have been given so much patriotic metaphor? That's another question I can't really answer.

But what we can all agree on is the little diddy I made up after hearing the news that the man who helped define a decade for the worse has finally met his 72 damned-whores-with-a-history:  Ding dong! / The Warlock's Dead! / Osama's gone! / It's been so long! / Such bliss! / The terrorist is dead! /

Shout out! / And spread the joy! / He can / no longer / us annoy! / Such bliss! / The terrorist is dead! /

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