The Only Resort

"The Only Resort" is a song from the Every Ape and His Brother collection Morbid! The Horrendous Hobo!!!. It is a parody of Papa Roach's song "Last Resort."

Overview
Instead of talking about suicide, the is about killing chickens. It is a very rare thing that anyone, let alone Papa Roach, would discuss the killing and eating of birds. The humor comes from the absurdity of the notion that someone would be so into the act of butchering birds that they'd devote an entire song to that instead of applying something more traditional (like "Last Resort") to a screamo anthem.

The man in the song, as the song discusses in depth, is convinced that the only way to prepare enough food for his upcoming feast is to kill every chicken in his pen. He will consider no other option. The chickens must die!

Reception
AmIRight has given the song; out of two votes; 3 out of 5 stars for pacing, 4 out of 5 for humor, and 4 out of 5 for an all-around rating.1 This means that of the few on that site who have graded it, results  have been mostly favorable. In fact, Jeff Reuben, an editor for AmIRight, made particular compliment about the creativity of lines in the song such as "don't give a cluck," which make jokes out of the language in the original Papa Roach song.2

Lyrics
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Intro
Cut those hens into pieces! / This is my ONLY resort! / Decapitation! / Lots of bleeding! / Don't give a cluck what I do to their breathing! / That is my only resort!!! /

[Proceed to Verse One]


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Verse One
Just cut those chickens to pieces! / Pull a meat cleaver out! / Decapitation! / Lots of bleeding! / Don't give a CLUCK what I do to their breathing!/ Do I mind / the trail of / blood clots they are leaving??? / Do you think it wrong / or maybe right???/ Gonna prep 'em all / for a feast /at my place / late tonight!!! / The meat cleaver is in my sight!!! / And I think it's time for chicken-cide!!!!/

[Proceed to First Chorus]


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Verse Two
Start with the meat cleaver! / Make sure that they say goodbye! / Blade comes down and they have... / Blood oozing out their eyes! / Watch them!!! / Dance around / like there is no tomorrow! / Because there isn't! / They die / and their bodies... / Run in sorrow!!! / Pit and gut the things! / Hand the meat to your mother! / While the sight of blood clots... / Scares away your young brother! / STRUGGLING!!! / The birds just cannot accept fate!/ But they're all bound to lose! / No escape! / It's too late!!! [Proceed to Second Chorus]
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Chorus
They'll be losing their feathers! / Losing their minds! / Hope they're meat's gonna taste mighty fine! / Losing their feet! / Losing their minds! / Hope their meat's gonna taste mighty fine!!! / Seasoned, just right! / Flavored, with wine! / Oven set, now it's time!!! /

(Instrumental break) [Proceed to Verse Two]


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Second Chorus
They'll be losing their guts! / Losing their minds! / Set that oven to 355! / Losing their lives! / Thanks to my knives! / Set that oven to 355! / They think it's not right! / But they'll, taste fine! / They're cooked for the right time!!! (They're frying!!!) x 3 They're frying...

[Proceed to Bridge]


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Bridge
They... / can't... / Go... / on... / Pe.... / cking / This.. / ground!!! / [Proceed to Finale]
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Finale
Cut those clucks into pieces! / This is my ONLY RESORT!!! /

Decapitation! / Lots of bleeding! / Don't give a cluck what it does to their breathing! /

Do you think it wrong / or maybe right? / Gonna prep 'em all, / for a feast, / at my place, / late tonight! /

The meat cleaver is in my sight! / And I think it's time for chicken-cide! /

They'll be losing their feathers, / losing their minds! / Set that oven to 355! /

Losing their lives! / Thanks to my knives! / Set that oven to 355! /

They think, it's not right... / But they'll, taste fine! /

They're cooked for the right time! / They're frying! /

THEY... / CAN'T... / GO... / ON... / PE... / CKING... / THIS... / GROUND!!! /

They are all gone! / Now they're all dead!

But they'll taste all... / RIGHT!!!! / [End of Song]
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