Q-Basic Gorillas (webcomic)

''The following is about a fanfic pitch. For the original game, see Gorillas (video game).''

Q-Basic Gorillas is a film pitch first developed in 2003 by the Dozerfleet founder. It has been shelved ever since. It is based on the 1991 game Gorilla.BAS for Microsoft QuickBasic, as developed by IBM. The story revolves around an office intern named Stacy Mirafuentes, who finds herself thrust into the violent secret world of Qilanta's Gorillas and their archnemeses: the evil Ice Chimps; all while trying to recover the missing Gorilla leader Col. Flix. It is structured in the spirit of Transformers and Battleship.

The plot was first devised in a chat room on Teenchat.com in 2003, though its pitch was dismissed as trolling by other visitors. It was again presented on The Ring Forum at EZBoard in 2004. It was dismissed by username JillValentineZero as being "bloody bizarre."

Origin of the Gorillas and Ice Chimps
An opening narration discusses the ancient Bokomar, who are said to have been a band of warrior men and women that served the queen of Sheba around the time of Solomon. They became the defenders of relics that were believed to have gained amazing abilities shortly after the Great Fall. The Bokomar were sent to guard the relics, with the specific instruction not to let the Wandering Ones from Canaan ever get their hands on them. Tinshpuut the Confident was put in charge of the Bokomar at one point; but he became arrogant and lazy. As a band of the Wandering Ones descended and he realized his error, he began sorting through the relics and decided to actually use one. He knew better than to use the Omni Transmogrin, though that was the relic most sought-after. However, using the Ape Transmogrin was forbidden explicitly by God. Tinshpuut panicked and used it anyway, transforming into a ginormous primate bent only on destruction. He destroyed the Ape Transmogrin, but only after it had cast its spell on the Wandering Ones and Bokomar alike. The Bokomar defeated the giant Tinshpuut; but only at the expense of being transformed into humanoid entities that resembled gorillas. Their Wandering One adversaries scattered, each taking on the resemblance of a different type of primate.

Rise of Qilanta and Flix
The especially evil Arinnakah, which were said to be Wandering Ones descended from the Amalekites, were exiled to the South Pole. They became the ruthless Ice Chimps, bent on revenge and taking over humanity. The Bokomar scattered throughout the world, but maintained a large presence in South Africa. It was there that the Queen Qilanta ordered her Qilantan Gorillas to set up a new place of safety to hide the relics: the Q-Base. Some Ice Chimps had developed suits to survive warmer climates, and were developing technology to poise themselves for their revenge. They had managed to steal one relic: the Felinus Transmogrin. Qilanta vowed not to let them get any more relics.

It's then revealed that the Topaz Division of Qilanta's forces was to be moved to North America. In the 90's, an especially depraved female Gorilla named Brassandra began kidnapping and devouring Gorilla children for her own sport. She tried to use the rationalizations of Alfred Kinsey, the world's most evil pedophile, to justify her cannibalism. But as the Princess Qilmara tried to counter Brassandra's arguments, she was soon overpowered. Brassandra finally admitted that Qilmara's arguments were correct and that Kinsey was wrong, but claimed to not care and would continue feeding on babies as soon as Qilmara was out of the way.

However, Qilmara was then rescued by a young Gorilla named Flix. Flix condemned Brassandra for using Kinsey's excuses to cover up her own crimes, saying: "And let all who would use such arguments as you have be eternally damned! Let all who would make them mandatory education, while forbidding any mention of their antithesis, also be eternally condemned!"

The sadistic Brassandra, in spite being much larger than the adolescent Flix, was soon defeated and executed by him. Princess Qilmara, impressed by Flix's courage and humility, allowed him to enter the Topaz Division. Flix soon rose up the ranks in the Topaz division, battling the Ice Chimps in an underworld of Gorilla vs. Chimp while evading human notice - until becoming the legendary Col. Flix.

Ice Chimps make themselves known
In the present day, a young office intern named Stacy Mirafuentes debates with her boss Fred Regale about getting time off from work. She wants to visit her boyfriend Rob Calisome in Chicago, where she's originally from. Fred states that he'll consider it, giving her no clear date as to when he'll get back to her. Rob does, however, comment on a picture of Stacy's mother Anna, saying he'd be honored to meet her. Stacy interprets this as a romantic suggestion, but decides to ignore the connotation. As Stacy flexes out early from work on that Friday, Anna alerts her by cell phone that they have a friend's funeral to attend at church. Stacy says she will go; but notices what appears to be a blue chimpanzee in a cryogenic suit hopping off of the coffee shop's roof and disappearing around a corner. She hangs up and goes inside to get some hot chocolate, growing slightly disturbed by the realization that a blue monkey is running loose.

She calls Rob while enjoying her hot chocolate, and he complains that he too recalls seeing a blue chimpanzee. They begin pondering on what it could all mean, when Stacy suddenly hears screaming on the other end. An Ice Chimp named Aqhat identifies himself, then uses the Felinus Transmogrin on an unsuspecting Rob. Rob's screams are soon replaced by the sound of a cat meowing in the background, and Aqhat warns Stacy to consider it "a mere prelude." Stacy panics, leaving the coffee shop and driving home to her mother's house in a hurry. She notices what appears to be an Ice Chimp in the background, following her from a distance. That Ice Chimp turns out to be Pigat, who quickly starts gaining on Stacy. She tries driving faster, but is soon pulled over. She tries to reason with the officer, who scoffs at her claims of being followed until a banana bomb lands on his squad car and blows it up. He lets Stacy drive off and calls for backup. However, Pigat makes quick work of the officers and then disappears. She announces over a comm link that "all witnesses have been decimated, save for the girl." Aqhat replies and warns her that even one escape is "unacceptable," urging Pigat to continue pursuit of Stacy.

Omni Transmogrin stolen
Stacy gets home to find a note left by Anna, saying Anna has already left for church to help the ladies prepare. She discovers a box left on her doorstep, sent to her from her uncle George Mirafuentes all the way from South Africa. She pulls out the disc and watches it, as it documents the artifact she finds inside the box as well. A flashback reveals that as George and his assistant Tom Tormin were recording the video and alerting Stacy to keep the relic protected, an Ice Chimp in the background was paying attention. That Ice Chimp identified himself over a comm link as Niqmad, warning the other Ice Chimps that he believes he may have discovered the intended whereabouts of the Omni Transmogrin.

In the present, Pigat and Niqmad meet up outside of Stacy's house. They immediately break in, terrorizing Stacy and demanding the Omni Transmogrin. When she refuses at first, they chase her through the house and begin ransacking rooms. Stacy is finally cornered on the front porch with a Death Staff pointed at her neck, but she refuses to surrender the Omni Transmogrin. A banana bomb suddenly attaches itself to Pigat, who jumps away from Niqmad and violently explodes. A Gorilla dressed in camo gear shows up in a Jeep, firing at the house with his rifle. Niqmad tries to use Stacy as a human shield. The Gorilla sees Stacy holding the Omni Transmogrin, and immediately ceases his fire. Niqmad begins freezing Stacy's forearms, causing her to lose her grip on the Transmogrin. Niqmad then grabs it from her and flies away. He activates a shield in his armor, deflecting one of the new Gorilla's banana bombs and destroying most of the Mirafuentes' front yard.

Meeting the Gorillas
Captain Reggie Warrin of the National Guard is at home in the neighborhood, ready to drive back to base. He spots Stacy and her new Gorilla friend in front of the Mirafuentes house; and quickly confronts them. The Gorilla orders him to stand down, stating that his name is Private Burrpatch. He and the other Gorillas are in trouble now that Niqmad of the Ice Chimps has captured the Omni Transmogrin. He states that Miqmad will probably take it to the Chimps' leader: Lord Quirini. Stacy insists that they head to the church to pick up her mother before advancing further, so the three of them drive to the church.

Burrpatch uses a cell phone to contact teammates Screechie and BB (Banana Breath,) telling them to meet up with him at the church. They arrive, only to find that the Ice Chimps have beat them there. Warrin, Screechie, BB, and Burrpatch battle the Chimps while Stacy tries to get to her mother. Aqhat shows up with the Felinus Transmogrin and transforms Anna into a cat, along with several others. Just as Aqhat is about to turn Stacy herself into a cat, BB sneaks up from behind and causes Aqhat to misfire. The glass doors shatter; and the Gorilla damages Aqhat's visor as they fight, forcing Aqhat to retreat before overheating.

Police arrive on the scene, and are quickly subdued by banana bomb assault. Nearby homes also come under siege, as the Felinus Transmogrin is left in the hands of the Ice Chimp Aliyan. Aliyan steals a police megaphone, ordering the police to stand down and vowing that the era of the Ice Chimp has begun. Before the National Guard can properly mobilize, the Ice Chimps all retreat. News media report that "It's like Planet of the Apes meets Wizard of Oz outside. Can these aggressive new monkeys be stopped?"

Warrin decides to regroup with the National Guard, telling the Gorillas that they'd better get out of the way for the time being. He tries to get Stacy to go with him, but she insists on going with the Gorillas. Warrin gives her his cell number, just in case the Gorillas cannot be trusted. Screechie, BB, and Burrpatch take Stacy to their base, saying they feel sorry for her losses and want to make it up to her.

They finally make it to their base, and the three Gorillas introduce the rest of their crew.

Gorillas


The Gorillas primarily have Greco-Roman names, or names that sound African. Some of them have names that are derived from English words, however.


 * Col. Flix: Leader of the Topaz Division of Qilantans, Col. Flix is a skilled fighter. However, he has a strong affinity for working in his lab and tends to be shy.  While not appearing in public often, he shows up when the situation calls for it.  He is feared and loathed by the other Wandering Ones' leaders; as he is one of the only Gorillas that can stand toe-to-toe with them in battle.  As such, he is the only Gorilla that Ice Chimp Lord Quirini truly fears.  He was promoted to a private by Princess Qilmara, and quickly rose to the rank of colonel.


 * Pvt. Burrpatch: One of the most loyal of all of Flix's men, Burrpatch is approaching a rise in rank quickly. He often patrols with BB and Screechie, and acts as a default captain for them.  He is shorter but bulkier than Flix, and is very skilled in hand-to-hand combat.  He has basic skills with banana bombs also; but is most known for his love of bazookas and his driving skills.


 * Pvt. "BB" (Banana Breath): A playful Gorilla who is the shortest and skinniest of the bunch. He is, like Burrpatch, good at hand-to-hand combat.  However, he has significantly less skill with banana bombs and trajectories.  He is reasonably adequate with knives and daggers, but is strongest in negotiations with human encounters.


 * Pvt. Screechie: The most acrobatic Gorilla short of Flix himself, he is slightly taller and only slightly thicker than BB. He is known for being able to dodge banana bombs better than anyone else, and has in some cases successfully thrown the banana bombs directly back at the Ice Chimps who threw said bombs at him - landing on them the damage intended for him.  He is the most-skilled jet pilot for the team, and is fond of sonic cannons.  His weapon of choice is the screaming flash grenade, which he often shapes to look like a banana bomb.


 * Lt. Abelina: In charge of base security for the Topaz Division, Abelina likes to remain in the base with Jaac. She has feelings for Flix, but fears that Flix cares only about the next mission.


 * Lt. Jaac: Flix's current right-hand ape. Jaac is the most skilled scientist of them all; growing frustrated when Flix takes off without him and goes off the radar during a mission with another division.  Jaac will sometimes fight, but feels reluctant to go onto the front lines.


 * Pvt. Akilina: An athletic Gorilla, Akilina is as excited as the boys to go out in the field and get things done. She is often playing basketball at the base; but is really good with gathering intel and hacking machines.  She is as excited and full of life as BB.


 * Pvt. Jenica: Her strength lies in cooking, and she is sort of a grandmother figure to most of the team. However, she will do field work if necessary.  She is renowned for being the only female Gorilla besides Akilina that can throw two banana bombs simultaneously and hit her mark with both.  Being one of the oldest, she remembers Princess Qilmara even further back than Flix does.


 * Pvt. Pawel: The group medic, Pawel is also a silent figure who delights in shuriken as opposed to banana bombs. His ninjitsu training comes in handy when aiding Akilina in gathering intel.

Deceased Gorillas

 * Queen Qilanta: Founder of the Q-Base, Qilanta made it the Gorillas' sacred mission to defend the Transmogrins from the Wandering Ones of every tribe - especially the Ice Chimps. Quite the fighter herself, she ruled the Gorillas with wisdom and foresight.


 * Princess Qilmara: Eventually killed by Aliyan, Qilmara was the princess descended from Qilanta's line that saw with her own eyes that Flix deserved to be an honored member of the Topaz Division. It was Qilmara, indirectly, that made him Col. Flix.


 * Brassandra: A sadistic child eater who is executed by Flix for her crimes.

Ice Chimps


Given their Amalekite heritage, most of the Ice Chimps have Canaanite names. Lord Quirini is an exception, naming himself after the Syrian governor Quirinius.


 * Lord Quirini: Lord Incendimore of the Pyrangutans and Col. Flix of the Qilantan Gorillas are the only two adversaries that are capable of striking genuine fear in the heart of Lord Quirini. Being suave in his speech patterns, he is otherwise ruthless on the battlefield.  He towers over all the other Ice Chimps, and even dwarfs Flix himself!  Easily able to hold his own, he is nevertheless subject to the same weakness as all the other Ice Chimps - needing to be kept in a suit that regulates his body temperature to stay at near-freezing temperatures.  He longs for the Omni Transmogrin, which he can use to set all the Ice Chimps free form their need for their suits and become regular humanoid chimps.  However, he intends to use the Omni Transmogrin as a secondary Felinus Transmogrin first as he feels he must turn all humanity into cats for his plan to succeed.
 * Aqhat:
 * Niqmad:
 * Mishtam:
 * Pigat: A female Ice Chimp.
 * Aliyan:
 * Various unnamed foot soldiers

Humans

 * Stacy Mirafuentes: asdf
 * George Mirafuentes: asdf
 * Tom Tormin: asdf
 * Rob Calisome: asdf
 * Anna Mirafuentes: asdf
 * Captain Reggie Warrin: asdf
 * Fred Regale: asdf

Development
The concept was first thought up whilst in a chat room. The Dozerfleet founder advertised the idea while using the username "QBscGrllas," and repeatedly asked users: "Where's Col. Flix?" From there, it was envisioned that the Gorillas were a once-human and now humanoid group under a spell making them look like ordinary gorillas. However, they're a paramilitary group all over the world. They battle the Ice Chimps, who want to turn humanity into cats and take over the world. The concept, for many years, was not thought through much deeper than that.

As of 2009, there was some renewed interest in the idea. This was because of two Transformers films coming out in theaters, showing that a very similar premise could actually be done. The summer of 2011 was the first time that an actual effort was first made to visually depict Col. Flix or an Ice Chimp. Site user Nobody's Starfish was introduced to the idea by the Dozerfleet founder, as the two worked only one cubicle away from each other at Peckham. An actual logo for the adaptation was developed in May of 2012 using Illustrator and Photoshop. It is stylized to resemble the logos for Transformers, Battleship, and Transmorphers. A banana bomb was added to the logo as a tribute to the original Gorillas game. The "Q" started out normal, but was later stylized to look like Qilanta's pyramid-esque Q-Base.

Reception
The concept has been met with mixed reaction ever since it was first proposed. It was hailed as "weird but brilliant" by Facebook users, as "uninteresting" by TinyChat users, and as "forgettable" by GirlsAskGuys.com users. TeenChat users found the premise "trippy" while EZBoard users have declared it "bloody bizarre." According to one Facebook critic: "The weirdness of it, especially its character tics, are what make it so charming and fun. It may not be made by a major studio; but is definitely something minor independent studios should look into."